Before I was pregnant with Sebastian I was constantly being asked if I was dating, when was I getting married, do I want kids and how many. After I became pregnant I was asked about marriage, whether or not I want to “try for the girl,” etc.It seems as though wherever I turn I am being bombarded with questions of what I am doing, what are my plans, and — the most important one on everyone’s mind — why have I decided on certain choices.Getting pregnant at 23 was not my idea of creating the perfect family. Yes, the thought of having a child before hitting 30 was always important to me, but with the path I was living, marriage and a baby was not for me.You see, I slowly started to swear off any type of commitment because it “was just not for me.” I had been single for almost five years when I met Jeff, and I did not mind it all. (That’s another annoying question people asked, “do you ever miss being in a relationship?”) Although I dated a few, they were not anyone to take serious and we both knew it.Thoughts On “Baby Number Two”
For years the thought of settling down scared me. Now, the thought of having a second child is the scariest part of it all. I love my son and I treasure all the lovely moments we have shared, but I cannot imagine planning for baby number two. I always dreamed of having two kids, but some dreams look better in your sleep than in reality.The reasons I am terrified of having a second child are:1. I question whether or not I can love another child as much as I love Sebastian.
2. I do not think we are financially stable enough for a second child.
3. Although I loved being pregnant, I do not think my second time will be so great.
4. I am not mentally prepared to deal with another child while caring for my son.
5. I do not want to prolong my time out of work.
6. I think my relationship with Jeff will suffer the most.Some of these reasons might seem like “excuses” in your book, but they are reasons I hold dear to my heart. And now that I have been a mother for a little over a year, I am pretty sure I know what I want and can handle. It feels good to tell other people whenever they ask about baby number two that I am just not looking forward to it because, at the end of the day, I am not.Of course, if God sends me baby number two, I welcome them with open arms, but I will not plan for it.I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday.