Not Married, So What?

Dealing with other's perception of our (1)

For some people, getting married before having a child is a big deal. And I totally understand that because at one point in my life that was the plan. You know, a beautiful wedding to your long-time partner, you buy a home, and then plan to have a child or two. In between you continue to focus on your career and let everything else fall into place.

But what if you just let life takes its course instead of having a plan? 

That was how Jeff and I met. We were both focusing on ourselves after a pretty bad break up and we knew dating was critical to finding someone who really understands how to be a friend first and let everything else fall into place.

We were dating for less than a year when I found out I was pregnant. He had been planning to move to a different state at the time. Finding out we were going to have a child was all he needed to put a halt to his plans. We then moved to the Sunshine State a year later.

Dealing With Family
Although we get along very well, people have a lot to say because we are not married. People believe that you just cannot be happy with a child unless you are married, and that is wrong. I actually appreciate my guy for what he does and how he treats his family. Not to say that I never want to get married, because I still have dreams of my father walking me down the aisle, but I do not think getting married is what matters. It is the act of staying married.

Sure, we could have wedded before the birth our son, but that was not our idea. It was the idea everyone else had for us.

I actually had an aunt tell me to trick him into getting married. She told me to plan everything ahead of time, do not tell him anything and have him come with me to the courthouse. I could not believe she wanted me to practically force someone to marry me all because I was having their child. This was coming from someone who was forced to marry someone at a young age because he was “the right one,” according to my grandmother. I figured out of everyone she would have been more understanding.

Her words hurt most because, aside from being pregnant and hormonal, I did not think it would be fair to force someone to marry me. Heck, I did not want to force anyone to do anything!

To help me get over the drama, I did the following:

Ignored. I ignored all the drama my family would create over not being married and I told myself I needed positive energy, not negativity.

Focused. I focused on my little family and everything to make the best out of the situation.

Cried. I cried so much the first couple of months because it was such a huge adjustment. From moving out of my parent’s home to moving in with someone I barely knew.

Smiled. I smiled at the thoughts of raising my child and giving him all the love I could ever imagine possible.

Loved. I loved every moment of my pregnancy, even the tough ones like when I could not hold down my food or when I hated chicken. At least I could binge on fruits all day!

Honestly, everything happens for a reason, and I am thankful for every single day I get to spend with my boys. They are troopers for dealing with me. <3 

5 Comment

  1. One of the things that matters is that Jeff stuck by your side when you got pregnant. He's with you no matter what. There are so many guys that flee and the girl has to raise their child on their own. You have a great guy! 🙂

  2. Oh my goodness – yes to this post! As you know, I have 3 children with my boyfriend and we aren't married either.. Most of the judgment we get is from our families as well, but to be honest – Our focus is not on us right now, all our focus (and money) is on our children. I know someday we will get married, and we've talked about it, but right now we are perfectly happy. It's hard when other people don't understand that we don't need that title to make us happy. – Love this post. xxo

    1. Thanks for taking the time out to read and comment, Kristy. I agree, there's nothing more beautiful than two people who love each other and place their family before everything. 🙂

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