When Time Doesn’t Heal

Living away from family and friends can take a toll on your mental health. Most of the time, you end up scrolling through social media in hopes of feeling connected to them. 

But it’s not the same. 

During my grandmother’s 80th, I was tagged on video by a family member. I stared at that 10-second video of my grandmother for a good 10 minutes just wishing I was there to celebrate with her. Slowly studying her reaction and what she might’ve said about the gifts she had received. I wish I was there before the party to help plan, set up and enjoy some time with those I love. 

But I wasn’t. 

They say dealing with change gets better with time, and that time heals everything. So why am I still wishing I was there? 

It’ll be a year since my uncle’s passing this November, and somehow, I can only think about how I won’t be there for my aunt or my cousins. 

I’ve heard from others how visiting family in Rhode Island hasn’t been the same, and I can imagine. There’s still pain from his passing, even I feel it and I’m here in South Florida. 

I can still remember the moments we all shared when my aunt and uncle purchased their home. How much they loved to entertain by the pool every summer. My random trips to Dollar Tree with my cousins. Those were the moments we bonded the most. Buying awesome, inexpensive items and stocking up on candy. I wish I could go back to those moments, even if it were for a day. 

I had a dream a couple of months back. Soon after we had purchased our home, I had a dream about my aunt and uncle. He was granted one more day on earth and I made sure that he spent the most time with his wife. And right before he left, he made sure she took her pills before bed. It brought me to tears thinking about it when I woke up. Most importantly, knowing that my aunt wouldn’t be able to see him again, that’s what really hurt.

But we continue to live on — with the memories of better days — we treasure the moments that have come and gone.

28 Comments

  1. robin rue

    October 16, 2017 at 10:39 AM

    I lost my mom in February and so far, time has done absolutely nothing. Maybe it’s too soon, but it hurts as much today as it did that day 🙁

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 16, 2017 at 10:47 AM

      Isn’t it funny how time actually makes you miss them even more? I can still remember my last conversation with my uncle. I wish I told him more.

  2. Sarah Bailey

    October 16, 2017 at 1:34 PM

    I miss my passed family members so much, some days I wake up and think oh I must tell them and then remember…

  3. Aishwarya Shenolikar

    October 16, 2017 at 1:59 PM

    Sometimes time heals, but in most cases it doesn’t. My friend recently moved & we miss each other dearly. She’ll connect so much to this post!

  4. Amber

    October 16, 2017 at 3:08 PM

    I imagine this would be tough. I think time can dull pain, but never take it completely away.

  5. Corinne and Kirsty

    October 16, 2017 at 3:28 PM

    I think time eventually heals. It is different for everyone. To some it is going to quicker than for others. but the loss of a loved one is always hard

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 16, 2017 at 10:06 PM

      I hear ya! Thanks for your feedback.

  6. Mike

    October 16, 2017 at 4:19 PM

    I feel for you! I know what it’s like to be living far from family as well. It’s amazing that sometimes even when living close by it can still feel like you’re far apart.

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 16, 2017 at 10:05 PM

      I know what you mean. There were times when family felt distant, yet were only a couple of miles away.

  7. Lucee

    October 16, 2017 at 5:53 PM

    Sorry for your loss Fatima. Everyone says time heals but I don’t know about that. I’ve just started realizing how important family is and we will be moving back to Az in June. I’m looking forward to spending more time with my mom.

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 16, 2017 at 10:04 PM

      Wow, I didn’t even know. Honestly, I think that’s a great decision. You just never know how much time you have left with someone. Cherish every moment! Good luck on the move next year.

  8. Healthy Mind, Healthy Body, Healthy Life - Lauren Atkins

    October 16, 2017 at 8:08 PM

    I live in the Uk but all my family is back in Sydney Australia and it is HARD to be away from family when any sort of event occurs, positive or negative. We just need to prioritise speaking to and visiting them when we can x

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 16, 2017 at 10:03 PM

      I know the feeling. And yes, visiting them as often as possible helps fill the void.

  9. Claudia Krusch

    October 17, 2017 at 1:02 AM

    You always hear the saying that time heals. I do not think that is true for everyone. For me I find I just get used to the pain and learn how to deal with it.

    1. Fatima Torres

      October 17, 2017 at 8:30 AM

      Sometimes that’s the best way to go about it. Thanks for taking the time out to read this personal piece.

  10. Ana De-Jesus

    October 17, 2017 at 6:43 AM

    Oh hun I am sorry to hear about your uncles passing, I am sure he is proud of the wonderful caring woman that you are.It can be hard to be away from family I agree x

  11. Akamatra

    October 17, 2017 at 10:55 AM

    My grand daddy passed away many years ago but I still miss him every day! Time softens the pain but you never stop hurting.

  12. Thu Nguyen

    October 17, 2017 at 11:48 AM

    I do agree with you that sometimes time doesn’t heal our pains. My grandma passed away 2 years ago and till now I can’t stand the feeling of losing her. Now me and my family just try our best to take care and visit my grandpa regularly cause we don’t want to feel regretful anymore. I really appreciate your story and thanks for your sharing.

  13. Blair Villanueva

    October 17, 2017 at 10:30 PM

    Losing someone is tragic sad thing. But life should move on because that is the cycle of life. If we cant move on, we will just spending our remaining days thinking backwards. And thats not healthy.

  14. Angie@chasingmyhalo

    October 18, 2017 at 1:28 AM

    I’m sorry for the loss of your Uncle. I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from everyone. Sounds like you’re all close!

  15. Amila

    October 18, 2017 at 2:40 AM

    Living away from the family is not easy.I know that with my experiences.Social media is helpful in such times as we can connect with loved ones easily..

  16. thetennisfoodie

    October 18, 2017 at 4:35 AM

    Time heals in the right time. It may take some time so have more patience.

  17. Christiana Acha

    October 18, 2017 at 11:16 AM

    I lost my dad in 2014 it wasn’t easy, but time did heal the pain. Time doesn’t heal sometimes though. Thanks for sharing this with us

  18. TColeman

    October 18, 2017 at 3:21 PM

    I think that different life events take a lot longer to heal from. You can not even put a cap on the amount of time that something tragic or sad will take to feel a little better about.

  19. Nicole

    October 20, 2017 at 1:14 PM

    It’s always hard losing a family member, but eventually time will begin to heal the wounds. That doesn’t mean you ever forget the memories, it just means that eventually when you think of them you’ll think of those great memories and laugh instead of being upset. Everyone heals at their own pace, there’s no need to rush. Thank you for sharing, this is a topic I’m sure so many people relate to.

  20. confettiandbliss

    October 20, 2017 at 4:22 PM

    Living far away from family is difficult. And when a family member passes away it’s even harder. Both of my husband’s parents passed away in recent years, as well as my beloved grandmother, and it still hurts not having them here with us during the year – but especially at parties, birthdays, and the holidays. All we can do is honor their memory and remember them with love.

  21. sarah fabol

    October 21, 2017 at 8:53 AM

    I can relate to this post. A sudden change in my life was when my family moved to a different place. Thanks to social media that I can still talk to them anytime.

  22. sincerelyophelia

    October 21, 2017 at 10:32 AM

    My boy just lost his grandmother this week. Definitely something I am reflecting on for my own family as well…

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