When Time Doesn’t Heal

Living away from family and friends can take a toll on your mental health. Most of the time, you end up scrolling through social media in hopes of feeling connected to them. 

But it’s not the same. 

During my grandmother’s 80th, I was tagged on video by a family member. I stared at that 10-second video of my grandmother for a good 10 minutes just wishing I was there to celebrate with her. Slowly studying her reaction and what she might’ve said about the gifts she had received. I wish I was there before the party to help plan, set up and enjoy some time with those I love. 

But I wasn’t. 

They say dealing with change gets better with time, and that time heals everything. So why am I still wishing I was there? 

It’ll be a year since my uncle’s passing this November, and somehow, I can only think about how I won’t be there for my aunt or my cousins. 

I’ve heard from others how visiting family in Rhode Island hasn’t been the same, and I can imagine. There’s still pain from his passing, even I feel it and I’m here in South Florida. 

I can still remember the moments we all shared when my aunt and uncle purchased their home. How much they loved to entertain by the pool every summer. My random trips to Dollar Tree with my cousins. Those were the moments we bonded the most. Buying awesome, inexpensive items and stocking up on candy. I wish I could go back to those moments, even if it were for a day. 

I had a dream a couple of months back. Soon after we had purchased our home, I had a dream about my aunt and uncle. He was granted one more day on earth and I made sure that he spent the most time with his wife. And right before he left, he made sure she took her pills before bed. It brought me to tears thinking about it when I woke up. Most importantly, knowing that my aunt wouldn’t be able to see him again, that’s what really hurt.

But we continue to live on — with the memories of better days — we treasure the moments that have come and gone.

28 thoughts on “When Time Doesn’t Heal

  1. I think time eventually heals. It is different for everyone. To some it is going to quicker than for others. but the loss of a loved one is always hard

  2. I feel for you! I know what it’s like to be living far from family as well. It’s amazing that sometimes even when living close by it can still feel like you’re far apart.

  3. Sorry for your loss Fatima. Everyone says time heals but I don’t know about that. I’ve just started realizing how important family is and we will be moving back to Az in June. I’m looking forward to spending more time with my mom.

    1. Wow, I didn’t even know. Honestly, I think that’s a great decision. You just never know how much time you have left with someone. Cherish every moment! Good luck on the move next year.

  4. You always hear the saying that time heals. I do not think that is true for everyone. For me I find I just get used to the pain and learn how to deal with it.

  5. I do agree with you that sometimes time doesn’t heal our pains. My grandma passed away 2 years ago and till now I can’t stand the feeling of losing her. Now me and my family just try our best to take care and visit my grandpa regularly cause we don’t want to feel regretful anymore. I really appreciate your story and thanks for your sharing.

  6. Losing someone is tragic sad thing. But life should move on because that is the cycle of life. If we cant move on, we will just spending our remaining days thinking backwards. And thats not healthy.

  7. I’m sorry for the loss of your Uncle. I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from everyone. Sounds like you’re all close!

  8. Living away from the family is not easy.I know that with my experiences.Social media is helpful in such times as we can connect with loved ones easily..

  9. I think that different life events take a lot longer to heal from. You can not even put a cap on the amount of time that something tragic or sad will take to feel a little better about.

  10. It’s always hard losing a family member, but eventually time will begin to heal the wounds. That doesn’t mean you ever forget the memories, it just means that eventually when you think of them you’ll think of those great memories and laugh instead of being upset. Everyone heals at their own pace, there’s no need to rush. Thank you for sharing, this is a topic I’m sure so many people relate to.

  11. Living far away from family is difficult. And when a family member passes away it’s even harder. Both of my husband’s parents passed away in recent years, as well as my beloved grandmother, and it still hurts not having them here with us during the year – but especially at parties, birthdays, and the holidays. All we can do is honor their memory and remember them with love.

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