After opening up to Jeff, the weight had been lifted. I no longer felt like I was being a terrible mother and significant other. I’ve been working on the balancing act for far too long, and it’s now that I’ve been able to really open my eyes and see myself as a valuable team member.
I have always experienced the winter blues. Every year, I’d fall into a depression during the cooler months. I wouldn’t cry, I’d just feel down day in and day out. It didn’t matter what was going on in my life, I was sad about the weather change and everything that comes along with it.
In early November, we welcomed our second child and it made me feel as though I wasn’t ready. Stressed and always tired, I knew I’d eventually break down. I can’t remember what Jeff told me that made me feel like the worst mother in the world, but I let it all out. And it felt so good.
I cried because during the weeks after we left the hospital, I had been trying to keep my everyday life the same, just with a newborn at hand. But that’s not how things work. You can’t just continue a schedule that no longer works for you. You have to deal with change and adjust.
Although change is inevitable, I didn’t want to deal with it.
Caring For A Newborn
Having a second child has made me realize I really need to start caring for myself as well. You may or may not notice it when you have your first child, but when you have a newborn who needs you at any hour of the day and a toddler who requires your attention, you start to question if you even exist anymore.
Jeff helps a lot, but when we came home from the hospital, I swore I could turn into superwoman and do everything on my own.
My dad was also helpful, but I don’t like relying on him too much since he’s only with me for a limited amount of time.
Overcoming The Sadness
A good cry works wonders.
I’ll be honest, I can’t guarantee these emotions won’t be back next year (or next week), because the winter blues always seem to return. For now, I’ll just take each day as they come; one by one and at their own pace.