You’ve heard the saying how it takes a village to raise a child. The truth is, you also need your tribe to help you get through life.
Since living with my husband, I’ve learned that there’s nothing wrong with leaning on someone. On most days, I have to let go of that supermom complex and stop comparing ourselves to someone else, even if it’s our own parents.
Whenever I would ask someone for help, I always saw it as being needy. Although the idea of being needy might be seen as something negative by some, there is truth behind the word.
You are being needy in the sense that you are needing something. Since moving to South Florida, I’ve learned the value of asking my husband for help.
Although I’m still hesitant, I do make it a point to mention the trash needs to be taken out or that the dogs need something. That was our plan. I take care of the kids, and he handles everything to do with the pups.
This trade-off helps me focus throughout the day. It also gives my husband some peace when he gets home from work since the kids are already in bed when he gets home.
Changing Your Mentality
Asking for help always seems easier than it really is. That vulnerability and sense of relying on someone else can make you feel weak.
Before diving into ways you can ask for help, it’s important to change your mindset on the idea of doing so.
To change your perception of what it means to ask for help, you need to understand why you need the help in the first place.
When we moved to South Florida, I didn’t trust Jeff’s family with our kids. I’ve never been comfortable around people who try to get too comfortable too quickly.
As much as I tried to warm up, I just couldn’t do it. With time and since our kids are older, I’ve learned who can be trusted and who I’m still on the fence about. Finding your people — building your tribe — is important as a parent.
How To Ask For Help
Understanding that not everyone can be trusted with your child is important when you start letting people into your home and around your little one. Always use your judgment.
When you create your circle of trust, you’ll want those people to understand there are boundaries. Setting your boundaries is important because not everyone is looking to help without getting help in return.
That’s perfectly fine, but always know your limit and when something you/someone else is asking for is crossing the line. Below are three things to consider when asking for help:
1. Always consider the timing of your request.
Yes, you may need someone’s assistance, but if that person doesn’t have the means to help, they won’t. I’ve had people ask me for help when I physically couldn’t and I’ve declined. It’s normal. Don’t be upset if this happens.
2. Offer help when you can as well.
It’s selfish to look for people only when you need something. Checking in on people within your circle is important. It helps build on your trust and solicits compassion.
3. Be direct about what you need.
Some people will start with small tasks to see how you’d react with a bigger one. Personally, these smaller tasks can be frustrating when there’s a more important reason why someone is asking for assistance. Get to that one instead.