Before I was pregnant with Sebastian I was constantly being asked if I was dating, when was I getting married, do I want kids and how many. After I became pregnant I was asked about marriage, whether or not I want to “try for the girl,” etc.
It seems as though wherever I turn I am being bombarded with questions of what I am doing, what are my plans, and — the most important one on everyone’s mind — why have I decided on certain choices.
Getting pregnant at 23 was not my idea of creating the perfect family. Yes, the thought of having a child before hitting 30 was always important to me, but with the path I was living, marriage and a baby was not for me.
You see, I slowly started to swear off any type of commitment because it “was just not for me.” I had been single for almost five years when I met Jeff, and I did not mind it all. (That’s another annoying question people asked, “do you ever miss being in a relationship?”) Although I dated a few, they were not anyone to take serious and we both knew it.
Thoughts On “Baby Number Two”
For years the thought of settling down scared me. Now, the thought of having a second child is the scariest part of it all. I love my son and I treasure all the lovely moments we have shared, but I cannot imagine planning for baby number two. I always dreamed of having two kids, but some dreams look better in your sleep than in reality.
The reasons I am terrified of having a second child are:
1. I question whether or not I can love another child as much as I love Sebastian.
2. I do not think we are financially stable enough for a second child.
3. Although I loved being pregnant, I do not think my second time will be so great.
4. I am not mentally prepared to deal with another child while caring for my son.
5. I do not want to prolong my time out of work.
6. I think my relationship with Jeff will suffer the most.
Some of these reasons might seem like “excuses” in your book, but they are reasons I hold dear to my heart. And now that I have been a mother for a little over a year, I am pretty sure I know what I want and can handle. It feels good to tell other people whenever they ask about baby number two that I am just not looking forward to it because, at the end of the day, I am not.
Of course, if God sends me baby number two, I welcome them with open arms, but I will not plan for it.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday.