Jul 312018
Stop Congratulating Me For Having A Girl

If you ever run into me with our three kids, please do me a favor and don’t congratulate me for having a girl. We weren’t “looking” for our daughter nor have we been “trying” for a girl since having our firstborn.

I understand there’s this idea embedded into some minds that everyone wants the “parejita” — the pair. I will be the first to let anyone know that we weren’t thinking of this. In fact, if you’ve been reading my blog for the past five years you’ll notice we only planned for our second child. Our first and third children were unexpected.

Compliment Our Kids
It’s not every day that I walk into a grocery store. On most of my trips to the store I’m trying to walk in, get what I need and get out. I know I look like a teenager with three kids — some have even asked if my kids were my siblings. The truth is, they’re all my kids, and when you mention how exciting it must be to have a girl, you’re bringing my boys down. It might not be intentional, but there are two other children standing next to me that have eyes and ears. Please don’t treat them as though they are invisible.

Another reason why this impacts my children is how you’re giving my daughter unnecessary attention. Yes, she’s girl, but because she’s a girl, you don’t need to state the obvious. She’s the only girl of the three, but it doesn’t mean she deserves more attention than the others. She’s equally loved in our home, and we’d like to keep it that way elsewhere.

Growing up, I was the only girl out of three. I was treated differently and there were so many expectations placed upon me. It’s probably why I beat myself up whenever I fail at something. One thing I never want to do to my kids is single any of them out. I try to be fair to all three. If one has to clean up, so do the others. Unless only one of them made the mess, then that’s fair game.

Do you or someone you know get approached by others because you have a girl in your home of boys? Tell me about it below!  

Fatima Torres

What's life like with three kids and two pups? It's entertaining, that's for sure! MTME breaks down family fun ideas and shares personal insights from a former B2B editor and digital marketer turned mom running a business and a household -- all under one roof. With her husband as her #1 fan, there isn't anything she can't accomplish. Read on to learn how she breathes in fire and exhales success.

Reader Comments

  1. This is such a lovely post – I don’t get why people seem to think if a person has certain gendered children they obviously want the opposite. I would just be happy for a child of mine to be healthy

  2. I do get annoyed when people comment on whether or not we are going to try again for a third because we have two boys. Thank you for sharing your post <3

  3. I definitely know that feeling of being treated differently because I’m the oldest. My parents expected way more from me than my younger sister.

  4. I’ve never understood why people do this. I have one child, a daughter and people used to say to me ‘How nice for you to have a girl, I bet dad wished for a boy though!’ – No, we wished for a healthy baby and we are perfectly fine with the beautiful young lady she has turned into!

  5. I get what you are saying…I just think that people don’t realize what effect saying something like that has. But they don’t mean anything by it. ..I have heard lots of people say stuff like this before and I know they thought they were just making conversation haha.

  6. Is it OK for me to compliment on you on all three of your kids? Being a mother is something to proud of, in my opinion. I hear you, though, about congratulating a parent about the gender of the child. That would be annoying.

  7. We often forget to think of the effects of our conversations on the young minds. In India, gender bias (with a preference for boys) still remain even in some of the urban families. That’s so unfair.

    1. Wow, I didn’t know this was still happening. It really does depend on the culture. As a hispanic, the whole “pair” thing is key. Not sure why because either gender is beautiful!

  8. I’m not sure I would ever tell someone not to congratulate me, regardless of the gender of my kids. It’s a miracle and some can’t have babies of their own and would love to hear those words.

  9. What a relatable post! I have three girls. Literally, in the mall this weekend, a older lady came up to us and said: “Wow, three beautiful girls-what every mom wants!” In all honesty I just wanted healthy babies, I don’t think I ever had a preferred gender. I was too caught up in trying to predict the gender, to come up with “what I wanted or preferred.” I am more than satisfied with what I got. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  10. Yes exactly that’s true. One guy actually told me it’s good that I’m having a boy. And people would ask me whether I wanted a girl or boy and I would say it doesn’t matter. I will love my child nonetheless

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