Let Trust Be The Foundation

I’ve always been fascinated with couples who have been together for over 30 years. My parents will be celebrating their 40th this year and it’s been one heck of a roller coaster for them. 
Most of the couples I’ve asked say a long-term marriage is reflected upon the communication between the two parties. 
But I have to disagree. 
Creating Your Foundation
Some people will only tell you what they want you to hear, and in some cases, they might even hear what they would like you to say. 
If your relationship is built on trust, you know that whatever comes out from your significant other’s lips is the truth. And when they use a white lie to keep you from worrying too much, you take it for face value.   
And this is where communication comes in. 
Sitting your partner down in times when you sense something is wrong will help strengthen the trust between the two of you. 
Building From Trust 
Most people don’t realize how important trust is, and hold on to a relationship even after the trust they had has faded. 
But to make something work, you need to continue to work on it. Like laying out the foundation of a home, you have to build from the ground up. 
You won’t set up windows without walls. You need something to look into before you can look out of it. 
Everything you bring to the table needs to help in building your relationship. 
For some people, building good relationships come naturally. But that’s always the case for everyone. 
If they haven’t had a good example in their own home, it can be tough. 
I mentioned my parents have had a roller coaster marriage. And for a good portion of my life, I thought that was normal.
Until I started dating of course. 
I always thought being submissive was a positive thing. I thought men would yell regardless. 
But that’s not true. 
Jeff and I don’t yell at each other to get our point across, we discuss. 
I thought complaining to others solved issues. That’s not true either. 
Jeff and I talk things out. If there’s anyone we should be complaining to, it’s to each other. 
We’re not perfect, but we know what’s worked in the past and what would only cause issues in the end. 
We’ve created a family, and although our foundation has taken time to build, we’ve been able to patiently do so. 
Isn’t that what matters most? 

37 Comments

  1. Masshole Mommy

    March 1, 2016 at 2:50 PM

    Without communication there can't be trust. I do trust my husband, but I need to be able to talk to him and vice versa first.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 1, 2016 at 3:15 PM

      I think it's based on the relationship you have with your partner. For me, I need to trust you before I can freely communicate with someone. And that's what has helped my husband and I open up to each other.

  2. ana de jesus

    March 1, 2016 at 6:29 PM

    You are so right, if you don't have the foundation then how can you create a happy marriage? Open communication is the key to longevity.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 2:10 AM

      Thanks, Ana. I'm all for communicating. You just have to make sure you're willing to put in work.

  3. Charlotte TheMummyToolbox

    March 1, 2016 at 10:53 PM

    I agree, they do go hand in hand, I am not one that is very open about my feelings in general so I need there to be an element of trust before I even let you in, and that's where I build from

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 2:11 AM

      Exactly. I'm the same way. I need to trust the person before I'll be completely honest with them.

  4. Tanya @ Moms Small Victories

    March 2, 2016 at 1:45 AM

    It sounds like you and your husband have made effective communication the cornerstone of your marriage and I think that's so important. Great post.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 2:10 AM

      Thank you. It hasn't always been easy, but we try to always put ourselves in the other person's shoes.

  5. Housewife Eclectic

    March 2, 2016 at 3:47 AM

    Communication is the most important thing in a marriage for sure! And empathy for sure!

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 4:11 PM

      I love that you brought up empathy. It's definitely important for marriage, and relationships in general.

  6. Claire C.

    March 2, 2016 at 7:00 AM

    I'm impressed with people who have been married that long as well. Trust is SO important – when it's gone everything turns bad!

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:16 PM

      Yeah, you hear so many stories about divorce that it really makes you appreciate long-term relationships.

  7. Amanda Love

    March 2, 2016 at 10:25 AM

    Trust is very very important. I think that should really be the foundation that most relationship is based on. Without that, nothing else really matters.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:17 PM

      That is true. Trust plays a huge role in relationships.

  8. Roxanne Ferber

    March 2, 2016 at 12:24 PM

    Communication is the key to all relationships. I also think people think confrontation is a negative thing, but it can be the catalyst for great growth.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:18 PM

      I agree. It really has to do with how you confront people. Some will wait until they've had it and blow off steam. That's just a headache for the other person. And you suffer as well.

  9. Shelly @ Behind Blue Eyes

    March 2, 2016 at 2:50 PM

    Trust and communication are key in a relationship and go hand-in-hand. The moment you have to start playing detective in a relationship, you will not get that trust back. Without that trust, you will not communicate as you should.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:19 PM

      I agree. It's such a great balance when you have both in your relationship. And based on experience, playing detective isn't fun.

  10. Author TP Keane

    March 2, 2016 at 2:51 PM

    for me, communication is only part of it. You also have to have respect and a willingness to see the other person happy. I've been married to my husband for nearly 16 years and I love him more now than I ever had. He's a wonderful man who does many little things to show me that he cares. That's all i need.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:27 PM

      Hey TP, thanks for chiming in. I really love that you brought up how you love your husband more after 15+ years. It's beautiful (and inspiring) to know that the love between the two of you has increased with time.

  11. Laura - Eye Candy Creative Studio

    March 2, 2016 at 3:48 PM

    communication is HUGE with me & I have unfortunately been in some relationships where it has turned into not being that important for the other person – it sucks, I need it to function.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 5:28 PM

      Hey Laura. The good news is you learned from those past relationships. That's what really matters.

  12. Sarah

    March 2, 2016 at 6:19 PM

    I love this. Marriage can be so hard and it definitely takes so much work, but it's worth it!

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 7:00 PM

      Thanks for taking the time out to read my post, Sarah. I have to agree. Marriage is beautiful, but you need to put in work. Like any relationship, you need to nurture it.

  13. Karissa Ancell

    March 2, 2016 at 6:32 PM

    I hope to be one of those couples who are married 30 years. I'm at almost 12 years right now so I'm on my way.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 7:00 PM

      Aww. Congrats on going over 10 years with your spouse. That's always such a blessing.

  14. Heather Lawrence

    March 2, 2016 at 6:34 PM

    My hubby and I have been married for going on 15 years and there have been some rough patches in our marriage. We found out early on not to try and mirror our parents relationship because a lot of what we have seen them do isn't something we want to do. We have learned from the past and are comfortable with who we are as a couple…finally!

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 2, 2016 at 7:02 PM

      Yes! There's so much beauty in just being yourself and doing the things that work for you and your spouse. Every relationship is different, and your needs are unique.

  15. Kimberly Stroh

    March 3, 2016 at 1:52 AM

    I think it's so individual for each couple. There's magic in being unique & respecting that.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 3, 2016 at 4:40 PM

      I agree. Thanks for sharing, Kimberly.

  16. Donna M

    March 3, 2016 at 4:38 AM

    Communication is definitely a very important facet in a relationship. I learned that early on my relationship with my husband, and it is definitely something that has become very important when things get tough

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 3, 2016 at 4:42 PM

      Hey Donna. Glad you were able to learn early on. Communication helps with dealing with differences.

  17. Brittany Lockwood

    March 3, 2016 at 10:21 PM

    Communication is key for a successful relationship! Congratulations on 10+ years with your husband!

    Southern Soul

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 4, 2016 at 11:06 AM

      Thanks, Brittany, but we're still on our fourth year. My parents have been married for almost 40 years.

  18. Stacey D

    March 4, 2016 at 3:59 AM

    I trusted my husband and he had a two year affair before he walked out the door. I truly thought we had it all – a great marriage, a great family, a wonderful life. As much as we talked – he never shared that he was unhappy. It takes more than communication and trust. It also takes commitment and loyalty.

    1. Fatima Lora

      March 4, 2016 at 11:07 AM

      :/ the toughest part of any relationship is how vulnerable we are to getting hurt. You're right. It definitely takes a lot more, but for me the base needs to be trust.

  19. CourtneyLynne

    March 8, 2016 at 1:53 AM

    Trust is the hardest part of any relationship! I have had a lot of shady people in my life but I need to remember not all people are bad! And trust a tad bit more.

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