Sep 252018
That Mother-Daughter Bond

The words, “it’s a girl” took on a different meaning for me when I found out the sex of our child before 20 weeks. It was through bloodwork that I was told the answer to our baby’s sex.

I had been calling to know the results of some tests and they told me they couldn’t tell me part of them, but that if I wanted to know the baby’s gender, I could. 

I said yes, and she replied with “It’s a girl”.
I cried, and I couldn’t believe it.

I didn’t cry because it was a girl, but I cried because I was going through so much emotionally during the pregnancy and the answer scared me.

Raising Them Right

Convincing myself that it was okay to have a third without losing myself was tough.

This wasn’t the first time I was surprised by a test result, but I was hoping it would be the last. 

Weeks later, I found out I had gestational diabetes. In my mind, I imagined my uncle and all he did to control his diabetes. I was terrified of what lied ahead. 

Fortunately, my issue was controlled by changing my eating habits. Less candy, more water. Oh, and eating at the right times was definitely a plus. 

Life was about to get more interesting. 

My mother in her younger years. You can see we have a lot of similarities.

Making The Effort

On some days, I swear I can hear my mother’s voice coming out of my lips. That’s when I try to change my tone with our kids.

Although our kids make me smile, they also stress me out.
Day in and day out with tiny humans can be exhausting. For my mom, it was a mix of being overworked and feeling tired. 

I understood why my mother worked a lot, but I could never understand why she never took the time to chat with us. To ask us how our day went and what we did at school.

Fortunately, my father did.

He left his work at the door when he’d clock out. My mother brought it home with her.

Yes, nursing is a lot more exhausting than working at a factory, but he always made my brothers and I feel like he cared. 

He did his best to comb my hair as a child. He even brought me to dance class on the weekends. 

It wasn’t until high school that I began to form somewhat of a bond with my mother. This was also the time I started dating more, and she always had advice for me.

However, I was already experienced in that field and by college thought I was ready to settle down. Thankfully, that never happened and I met my husband years later.

Replacing My Mother

Growing up wasn’t the easiest for me. While most girls had their moms to lean on, I had my dad. It was beautiful to have a connection with him, but it wasn’t the one I longed for.

I always wanted to connect with my mom. Bonding with my aunts filled that void.

I’m forever grateful to the aunts who stepped up in my life, and I continue to have a great relationship with them.

Three of my mother’s sisters lived with us while I was growing up, but never at the same time.

First Martha, then Clara and eventually Zoila.

From Martha, I learned what it means to be selfless and fall in love — hard. She also taught me what it means to work as a team with your spouse. I’ve always admired her relationship with my late uncle John.

My tia Zoila taught me to always look and feel fabulous. She even taught me about the importance of DIY beauty, how to shave and how you really don’t need to go to the salon to tame my curls.

As for Clara, she’s been there since day one and raised as her own. Listening to all my crazy thoughts and making sense out of them. She knew I was obsessed with nails and would always bring me boxes of them to play with.

Her love to 80’s music and Volvos has been engraved into my heart.

I learned a lot from these women, and continue to do so every step of the way. 

Is there someone/people who’ve made an impact on your life? Share below!

Fatima Torres

What's life like with three kids and two pups? It's entertaining, that's for sure! MTME breaks down family fun ideas and shares personal insights from a former B2B editor and digital marketer turned mom running a business and a household -- all under one roof. With her husband as her #1 fan, there isn't anything she can't accomplish. Read on to learn how she breathes in fire and exhales success.


Reader Comments

  1. being a mum myself have changed my life upside down – in a good way , i always worry how my daughter grow up and if she be a good human – but i wouldn’t change motherhood for anything else

  2. My mom died when I was 16. Dad died when I was 23. Now I am 25. I don’t like anyone sympathising with me because they cannot exactly feel the numbness inside me. I k ow how it feels without mom.

  3. My mom and my dad influence me a lot. My mom influence me to be brave and strong in everything and my dad influence me to be soft and listen to everyone’s opinions but they both influence me to have fear of God.

  4. It’s so hard tn understand when people don’t live up to who they should be. I’m so glad you had loving, influential people in your life who could step into some of those gaps.

  5. I have a daughter myself, she’s 3 year old and our bond is strong, I shall say much stronger than with my boy. As a child I didn’t have a similar bond with my mother!

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