Aug 142019
The Day Love Found A Way

Those trying moments you’re faced with are only the beginning of something great.

There’s beauty in letting go, and this is something I preach to family and friends, even strangers along the way.

Less than six months ago, I decided to stop focusing on others and made it a point to work on myself and ways to improve on the person that I am.

I’ll never claim to be perfect, nor will I ever tell someone to follow my lead. Everything that’s ever been placed before me has required love and dedication.

To some, what I’m about to share isn’t anything new, since we all have our own struggles.

When we bought our home in 2017, it was an emotional rollercoaster. Our realtor could tell you about the roadblocks we faced and how we were able to accomplish it together.

Letting Go

Having a big heart can put you in situations you don’t need to be in. My husband recently told me that sometimes I can be an “all or nothing” kind of person.

Life will teach you that there’s a reason why you were given two hands. Like my aunt Clara says, “You were given two hands. One is to help yourself and the other to help those around you.”

One thing people won’t mention is how important it is to understand that you can’t (and you really shouldn’t) help others who aren’t willing to help themselves.

With time, I’ve learned there’s no reason for you to drown in knee-deep water with someone if all they need to do is lift themselves up and walk away.

Refocusing Your Energy

After letting go of trying to help others solve their on-going issues, I realized I had issues I needed to deal with myself:

– I needed to work out a schedule so I stopped paying bills late and paying additional fees;
– I needed to stop dodging phone calls from companies because I didn’t want to be an adult;
– I needed to stop complaining that the kids weren’t letting me work;
– I needed to get client deliverables on time instead of two days before the deadline; and
– I needed to make time for my husband.

Everything in the list above might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes you need to go through something to realize how much you need to re-evaluate your life.

The Choice Of Working From Home

I always knew I didn’t want to just be a stay-at-home mom. I always thought about the future — when the kids are all in school. This blog started six years ago this month, and I’m forever grateful for the opportunities that have come along with it.

There’s a side to working from home that not a lot of people will show you, and it’s the mess you become as you try to juggle it all at once.

Although I help my husband financially, it hurt us when I would forget to pay bills. This almost cost us our car and our home. Yes, it was that bad.

Three months after having our baby, my father went back to North Jersey. I no longer had the help at home (my husband works 60+ hours a week).

While focusing on clients and other side projects, I developed a habit of putting the bills to the side. I would tell myself I’d get to them… and then months would go by.

One day, I woke up to take our son to school and our car was missing. It wasn’t stolen. My husband knew what happened, and had already warned me about forgetting to schedule the payments. I cried, and we argued about it.

Fortunately, we had the money in our account to get the car back. I learned my lesson then and we’ve been on time with those payments ever since.

Months went by, I tried to be on top of things as much as I could. One day I tried accessing our HOA account online and it didn’t let me login. I didn’t think anything of it, and said I’d call when I had the chance. Shortly, we received a letter from a lawyer about our HOA. We had 45 days to send a payment to them before our home would fall into foreclosure.

It was no longer the usual payment. It had tripled.

My husband got home that night and I was crying in the playroom. He held me close and asked what was wrong. I told him about how I hadn’t been on top of things and what the letter said. He told me we would get through it together and that we wouldn’t allow it to happen.

That same month, we received another letter from our other HOA (perks of having a master HOA, right?)

This amount was higher. The local realtors were also sending us letters about selling our home. It was nonstop and frustrating at times.

All this happened before the summer, during a time I had planned celebrating my 30th at LEGOland as a family. Those plans were put on hold and we focused on the important things, like keeping a roof over our heads and hustling more than even to keep our home.

Change For The Better

Working for the car business can be stressful, and when my husband switched jobs, we were still struggling. My business helped us stay afloat.

There was a time we were expecting a check from his previous employer to complete the payment and it didn’t come. Fortunately, I was working with a local company that paid before the work was completed.

That check came in the day we were expecting the one from my husband’s previous employer and it brought me to tears — all of joy!

Learning To Push Through

This month makes six years since I started Motherhood Through My Eyes, and it’s the same month we received the letter stating we’ve been approved by our mortgage company for a loan modification.

I share all this with my readers because there needs to be transparency. You see the collaborations and comments from my clients who rave about working with me. It’s great, but there’s another side to being a business owner that people don’t tell you.

Having support from those you love is important. My husband has always been my #1 fan, and I thank him for believing in me during my weakest. My family is my inspiration, they keep me going. The love we have for what we do, that’s what keeps us going.

If you are struggling with anything, just know that it’s only temporary. You will get through it. Don’t wait for things to happen — make them happen.

Fatima Torres

What's life like with three kids and two pups? It's entertaining, that's for sure! MTME breaks down family fun ideas and shares personal insights from a former B2B editor and digital marketer turned mom running a business and a household -- all under one roof. With her husband as her #1 fan, there isn't anything she can't accomplish. Read on to learn how she breathes in fire and exhales success.

Reader Comments

  1. Omg!! Iโ€™m tearing up. I admire you so much and itโ€™s so hard to juggle so much these days. I appreciate you and all you have done for me. I may not be there all the time but hopefully I can be there when you need me. Xoxo

    1. Thank you, Heather. It’s scary to think about the madness that went down this year, but it’s brought us to where we are today. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

  2. I love your honesty. I feel like I’ve been in every single one of those situations also. Working from home is not easy. It’s so much more challenging to be your own boss because no one is there to help you do things. And it’s easy to forget things, like bills!

    1. Thank you, Heather. It’s crazy how people always wonder how they can work from home too, but they don’t think about how important is it to be organized. You can lose your mind in the process, or worse, your family. I’ve met people who’ve divorced their spouse over things.

  3. I love this. I also work from home, and it can be tricky. It works out for my husband and I because his military schedule can be nuts, so it means I can get the kids if they need help or rides.

    1. Wow! You are so brave. I admire that you are so honest and open about your struggles. I work from home and I know for a fact that it can get really complicated real quick. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  4. The hardest lesson I learned Wes to take a deep breath, wait 5 seconds before just saying yes to everything and everyone. It is so powering to sometimes say NO!

  5. Having support from the ones you love is the most important thing actually. I feel that when they don’t take you and your ambitions seriously, there is a void that can’t really let you be at your full potential.

    1. Having that support really does make a difference. I love that my circle has gotten smaller throughout the years. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thoe support I have found in those who genuinely care and love me, it’s beautiful!

    1. Reading this post was truly inspiring for me! Lately, I have this feeling that I’m stuck, in my career and life in general. This gives me hope that things will get better! Thank you for this, truly!

  6. I’d love to work from home, although sometimes it may be difficult to force ourselves to do our work on time. I’m also ‘all or nothing’ kind of a person! ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I love your braveness. Going through this is never an easy thing yet you choose to share all of these with us. You are such an inspiration.

  8. The honesty in this post is outstanding! I think that if we are all honest with ourselves that there is sometimes an all or nothing kind of attitude. I really like with your answer do you want I think I’m going to use that in the future.

    1. Thanks for stopping by to read this post, Jeanette. I wish more bloggers shared the truth behind managing a household (and the pay that takes FOREVER from networks). The side hustle is what keeps us afloat.

  9. I really needed to read this today! Iโ€™ve been having such a tough week but I am starting to see the light at the end of this! I try not to focus too much on the bad and stay positive!

    1. Steph, we all have our struggles. I appreciate you trying to stay positive. There’s definitely a light at the end. Like my husband says, “you’ve got only one way to go when you’re down, and it’s UP!”

  10. My life was turned upside down in Feb of this year. Some days, I am not sure how I got through it all alone with my three kids but that I’m actually doing good. I still have a long ways to go but taking those tiny steps to improve is important. My life is far from perfect as I often portray on social media. I’ve mentioned bits and pieces of what is going on but can’t fully share because I’m still in the midst of my storm. But one day, I plan on sharing my entire story because if I can help one person then I know what I went through was for a purpose. I’ve been in the situation where I was struggling to pay bills. It was after my first divorce when I was in my 20s. I ended up having to file for bankruptcy to dig myself out of the disaster. Now, at 40, I’m going through my second divorce. However, this time, I have experience in the legal aspect and have done everything to make sure that me and my kids are taken care of so that I don’t end up in a financial mess again.

  11. Your story is inspiring.Working from home is challenging.I know that because I am also self employed.Sometimes it is messy.Taking care of the kids is number one priority when you work from home with kids.Don’t quit.Keep going.

    1. Thanks, Amila. I appreciate your motivation. It’s definitely not easy to try and juggle both work and family life, but we do our best. I’ll take your advice and keep going. ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. I also work from home and it’s a struggle to keep all things together. I am just glad I do not have to go out and travel for hours.

  13. Struggles only make us stronger to learn how to deal with them better. If I may make a suggestion about your bills. If you can, have them paid automatically. It really makes life so much easier.

  14. I really loved reading through this post. I can completely relate to this too. Working from home isn’t always easy, and we have to learn to take some time to ourselves too.

  15. Sometimes I think when we are struggling it can feel like you are never going to get to the other end, it can just consume you! It is always good to have a reminder that things can get better.

    1. Yes, you’re right on how it can consume your everyday life. I remember stressing about it daily and how it was causing issues between my husband and me. Glad we’ve been able to overcome this rough patch.

  16. There are definitely times when like gets a bit too overwhelming and it feels like everything is against us. It’s so great that you have your husband to be there to be a big support for you when things get hard!

  17. This is very insightful, I feel this post is written specific for me. I used to put other peoples need above mine but that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Its true that everybody have issue they are working on but am Learning To Push Through and hoping to Change For The Better.. Keep it up.

  18. Yes it is overwhelming sometimes, taking care of kids and work. I too need to take your tips, and stop complaining everything.

  19. It’s nice of you to articulate it. I am a stay at home mom, homeschooling, accepting freelance writing jobs, and blogging. I love what I do and the flexibility of time that it affords me. I get to spend a lot of time with my kids! ๐Ÿ™‚ Now, I am more focused on working to save up for a house and also for their future.

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