Living away from family and friends can take a toll on your mental health. Most of the time, you end up scrolling through social media in hopes of feeling connected to them.
But it’s not the same.
During my grandmother’s 80th, I was tagged on video by a family member. I stared at that 10-second video of my grandmother for a good 10 minutes just wishing I was there to celebrate with her. Slowly studying her reaction and what she might’ve said about the gifts she had received. I wish I was there before the party to help plan, set up and enjoy some time with those I love.
But I wasn’t.
They say dealing with change gets better with time, and that time heals everything. So why am I still wishing I was there?
It’ll be a year since my uncle’s passing this November, and somehow, I can only think about how I won’t be there for my aunt or my cousins.
I’ve heard from others how visiting family in Rhode Island hasn’t been the same, and I can imagine. There’s still pain from his passing, even I feel it and I’m here in South Florida.
I can still remember the moments we all shared when my aunt and uncle purchased their home. How much they loved to entertain by the pool every summer. My random trips to Dollar Tree with my cousins. Those were the moments we bonded the most. Buying awesome, inexpensive items and stocking up on candy. I wish I could go back to those moments, even if it were for a day.
I had a dream a couple of months back. Soon after we had purchased our home, I had a dream about my aunt and uncle. He was granted one more day on earth and I made sure that he spent the most time with his wife. And right before he left, he made sure she took her pills before bed. It brought me to tears thinking about it when I woke up. Most importantly, knowing that my aunt wouldn’t be able to see him again, that’s what really hurt.
But we continue to live on — with the memories of better days — we treasure the moments that have come and gone.