Mar 292016

Some people don’t realize how much their actions can impact someone else. It’s even worse when they aren’t careful with how they use their words. 

After finding out I was pregnant, I told my mom. She thought it was a joke. I cried. She yelled. I cried some more. 

It was a mess of emotions. 

I didn’t know what to do. And forget having to tell my dad! This was something my mom made me do. She didn’t want any part of it. Or so she said. 

The minute I told my father his reaction was similar to my mother’s. He thought it was a joke. 

Thankfully, my parents had met Jeff prior to us dating, and they knew about us dating beforehand. 
(Read how we met here)

But my father’s words really hurt me. He said, “me decepcionaste.” Meaning: he trusted me and I let him down. 

I had always been his little girl, and then I shattered his dreams of one day walking me down the aisle, and handing me off to someone he could love as his own son. 

Not to say he doesn’t feel that way with Jeff, because he does. You can see it in his face whenever he sees Jeff or just speaks to him. But the way things happened just didn’t let him prepare for what was to come. 

My Reaction
After my father’s words, I packed what I could, and headed out the door. I told a close friend about the situation and went to her house for the night. 

She had family over and had told her family about the situation. Her mom was a sweetheart and welcomed me in. Her father gave me the same look as my dad did. Her father is Dominican as well, so you can imagine a stern dad look. 

The next day, I told Jeff about the situation. He asked why I hadn’t told him about what happened with my father and why I hadn’t gone to stay at his house instead. I didn’t have the right mindset to even pick up the phone and throw something else on his plate. I remember his words, “you should’ve. This is a plate we can share.” 

And I left it at that. 

Years down the line, his words have proven to ring true. 

Becoming Part Of Jeff’s Family
I wasn’t welcomed 100% by Jeff’s family and friends. And honestly, I don’t blame them. 

Here was this woman who went from girl he’s dating, to baby mama within months of meeting me. I’m pretty sure some even questioned whether I was lying, or if there was someone else who could be the father. 

My good friend Julie came with me to the first doctor’s appointment to confirm my pregnancy, and Jeff came with me during the first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat. 

It was a sigh of relief to know that in all this chaos there was a life being sheltered in my tummy. 

Jeff and I didn’t get married until before the birth of our second child, but before that, someone made a comment. They said I wasn’t family because we hadn’t been married. 

It blew my mind, and I would bring it up often to this person whenever they made any other comment about anything. 

I was mean to them, and I dreaded having to deal with them because this person saw me as just a baby mama. 

Today, we’re a lot more cordial with each other. He’s learned to be a little more careful with his words, and so have I. Because, if you know me, then you know I can be just as mean as the next person, but I choose to control myself. 

Fatima Torres

What's life like with three kids and two pups? It's entertaining, that's for sure! MTME breaks down family fun ideas and shares personal insights from a former B2B editor and digital marketer turned mom running a business and a household -- all under one roof. With her husband as her #1 fan, there isn't anything she can't accomplish. Read on to learn how she breathes in fire and exhales success.

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